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How to fix a broken marriage

Many factors make one marriage a happy one, and all people should strive to try to be in a happy relationship with their partner. But sometimes, with family, work, and other stuff that needs our attention, we just don’t have time or patience to invest in our marriage. Not paying attention to these needs reflects our marriage and, eventually, our lives. This unhealthy relationship can cause us to grow distant from our partner and ultimately destroy our marriage. When in this situation, many partners or couples ask themselves, “Is it possible to fix our broken marriage?”. 

Signs

Sometimes it is hard for people to acknowledge that they are in an unhappy marriage. They cant see what is happening to them or just go with the flow without releasing that they live an unfulfilled life and in an unhappy marriage. I have to note that sometimes some people have a lot on their plate and can’t even start thinking about their bad relationship or marriage. 

But it is essential to state that we need to be aware that there is a problem and then deal with it. For many people, this is not the case, and they don’t even see the signs that they have a broken marriage. There are different signs of a marriage falling apart.

Signs of dysfunctional marriage can be: feeling lonely even though you are with your partner, not having sex with your partner, constant feeling of disappointment, you don’t enjoy spending time with your partner, you are in touch with your ex, or trying to connect with another partner and having these signs suggest that you are not in a good relationship.

Feeling lonely 

This is one of the main reasons why partners in a relationship or marriage start cheating. Even though they are in a relationship and have a significant other, they still feel lonely. There can be several reasons for feeling lonely, like not having enough communication.

One partner wants to talk about something, and the other interrupt it and doesn’t want to talk about it. This kind of consistent communication approach puts a strain on the relationship because one partner starts to feel that she or he is not heard or understood.

The partner feels that he is not wanted. This way, the partners start to lose emotional support and understanding from their spouses. That is why they might start looking for emotional connections elsewhere.

Not having sex

I will note that the sex drive with time goes down for some couples because other things start prioritizing marriage and life. Everyday life, stress, and obligations can lead the partners to feel tired. But if we continue the last thought if the partners don’t share their thoughts and feelings, don’t converse enough, they start to distance from each other emotionally.

Top that with everyday life, problems, and taking care of your family can lead to not having a sexual appetite for your partner. Sex is the least desirable thought on the to-do list in your mind. Some people that are in a lousy marriage say that the idea of having sex with their partner bothers them.

Not wanting to have sex with your partner or having a feeling of disgust for the act is a sign that something is wrong in your relationship.

Constant feeling of disappointment

Even though they feel that their marriage is miserable, some still keep going in it. Most people don’t do it, but some do that and, deep down inside, constantly feel disappointed. They are determined to remain committed to the relationship for some more prominent reasons. Knowing that the marriage is broken is dreadful is eating them up from inside and is not suitable for their wellbeing. These kinds of people can develop some forms of anxiety.

You don’t enjoy spending time with your partner

When you are emotionally distant, don’t want to talk, you can also hate spending time with your partner. The corona pandemic that we live in now is a good experiment that suggests this argument. CNN reported there was a spike in divorce numbers as a result of the pandemic. 

In quarantine, good relationships and marriages can survive the constant sitting and be together. Bad marriages can’t cope with constantly being with their partner all the time. You indeed need “me” time, but generally, you should enjoy the time with your partner, not avoid it.

Trying to connect with another partner.

If you are trying to get in touch with your ex or connect with another partner, that is a really bad sign. It means something is off in your relationship and that you might be trying to search for affection or attention. I mentioned that people who do not receive emotional support sometimes try to find it elsewhere.

Seeking an emotional connection can lead the partner to contact their ex or a new partner. This is why it is vital to have honest and open communication about your partner’s problems. And it is essential to be open about expressing your feelings and talking about what is bothering you.

How can you fix a broken marriage? 

First, not all marriages can be fixed. The general statistics suggest that a big chunk of people do not try to improve their marriage. Data from the American Psychological Association shows that 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. There are different reasons for divorce, like financial problems, infidelity, arguing, and lack of commitment. 

The study “Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education.” from 2013 suggests that infidelity is responsible for 59.6% of divorce in the reported cases. All of this data shows that it is hard to stay in the marriage. But not everything is that negative, and there is a way to help you fix your marriage. 

Indetifiyng the problem

Before fixing your marriage, you need to identify the problem’s actual source. Acknowledging that there is a problem and recognizing it is the first step in almost all conflict resolution plans. Put on your thinking cap and start thinking about the possible reasons why you feel bad in the relationship and why. Also, try to develop potential solutions after thinking of the possible causes.

Get your partner on board 

You and your partner both need to get on board to fix your marriage. For this to happen, you need to talk it out with your partner. If your partner does not see a problem and you do, then there is a problem.

It is essential to explain to him that there is a problem. Find a way to communicate and show that what is happening in the relationship is not ok. Don’t try to sweep it under the rug if the partner is not listening or unresponsive.

Many couples live in a broken marriage because they are hoping the problems will eventually go away on their own. You need to put a pin on it and make it visible to your partner. For your partner to better understand the problem, it is good to show how you really feel, not just use words to tell him that your marriage is terrible.

Try to find solutions together on how to get your marriage better

Once you have open communication and both of you are on board for saving your marriage, you need to try to find solutions on how to do that. This is when you can suggest the solutions you came up with if your partners don’t have some.

When this happens, usually in family or couples therapy, things go wrong. Partners typically tend to hang on to particular things that are not beneficial for building a healthy relationship.

Most of the stuff we hang on comes from our ego. And that is why low or no ego is suitable for a healthy relationship. How we are feeding the ego is connected with how we are born and raised or, in other words, how we develop our beliefs and create expectations from people.

This also applies to relationships and partners.  Most beliefs that cause problems are irrational beliefs, and not satisfying them can cause frustration and anger. An example is taking out the trash.

The husband might not want to take out the trash if his wife demands it. He might feel that she wants to control him. If he doesn’t take out the garbage, the wife might think she is not respected or supported. This is how Albert Ellis explains this problem: a renowned behavioral and cognitive therapy psychologist.

When we want to find solutions, we need to approach them constructively. When we talk about marriage, it usually means finding common ground. With the example above, one constructive solution is for the husband to take out the trash but not immediately—this way, the wife, will not be perceived as condescending and controlling. 

And the wife needs to understand this process and let him take out the trash later because this way, he is still supporting her. It’s a simple example, but the same concept can be applied in other even complex problems.

Both partners need to find understanding and go a little further from what they feel comfortable doing for the relationship’s good. It is way better to approach a problem constructively than destructively, and the key is trying to fix the problem. I hope these tips can help you improve your marriage. Always communicate your issues, express your feeling, and be honest with your partner.

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